SPECTATOR ETIQUETTE US Youth Soccer – Sideline etiquette: 6 tips to make youth soccer better for parents and players
When playing in a game, youth soccer players’ minds are focused on making split-second decisions as they maneuver around and survey the field.
Every once in a while, however, a player’s attention may be drawn to his or her hyper parent yelling instructions, or making a scene from the sideline. While parents’ actions may simply be the result of wanting the best for their child, their behavior can have a negative effect on their young athlete’s enjoyment of the game.
Here are six things to keep in mind when attending your child’s game…
- Avoid ‘coaching’ from the sideline while watching your child’s game
A common problem in youth soccer is the impulse parents have to shout instructions to their young player from the sideline. It’s especially difficult for a child because he or she tends to refer to what a parent says, which often conflicts with the instruction from the coach. Parents should imagine being in a room and having multiple people yelling instructions at them in order to see the confusion it could cause a child.
Another thing about yelling instructions is that the tone a parent yells with is typically a lot more aggressive than the coach.
The coach is instructing with a teaching mentality. ‘This is what we have to do to improve. This is part of the process to get better and improve your level of play.’
The instructions that the parents are yelling have an immediacy to it. They want it done now because they want the gratification of the instant result. It’s conflicting with what the coach is trying to do.
- Do not criticize the referee
This is an epidemic, and spectators should realize that referees are just parents (like you); we all make mistakes — even those officiating at the highest levels of play. When parents go after a volunteer referee for what they perceive as their mistake(s), it begins to make the game about the adults rather than the kids.
A referee is ideally going to make an objective decision on what they see. They may have a different angle, a blocked view or perspective, or just plain get it wrong. Relax.
A parent is going to interpret that same situation through the prism of the team that their child plays on.
If it’s a decision that goes against their team, parents are automatically going to have a subjective view on it. The problem comes when there is an aggression to how the parents react to that. The bigger problem is when the child sees that, the child thinks it’s accepted.
Parents need to remember they always need to be a model for their child. They also need to remember these are only volunteer parents, like them.
- Focus on the benefits of the game rather than the score
Far too often parents worry about the numbers formed by illuminated lights on a scoreboard rather than the experience their child has while playing youth sports. Parents are naturally from an older generation in which there was a larger focus on the result of a game. While it’s natural for everyone to want to win, parents need to keep focus on the larger picture.
It’s natural instinct to want to win. The key thing is to keep things in perspective.
If we didn’t win, how can we go into the next game to improve on what we did wrong?
Coaches talk about the development process, and losing is part of that process.
If your team always wins, their mentality won’t be able to handle setbacks. It’s a big part of a child’s development.
Consider a hypothetical 1-0 loss.
Very few parents are asking their child if they had fun today.
The child will take the parent’s reaction to the result of the game as the norm. They’ll then relate their experience to the result of the game, which is really counterproductive.
- Think when interacting with opposing fans
This is one that should be common sense.
Grown adults should be able to go and enjoy their child’s experience without having any confrontation.
Don’t forget, you’re not just representing the Region, you’re representing your child.
The way you’re acting right now — if you could see yourself through the eyes of your child, what would you think of yourself?
Why are you making a public spectacle over a kid’s soccer game?
Are you proud of what you’re doing right now?
Would you allow your child to act like this?
- Don’t stress out over the game
Do you find yourself pacing up and down the sideline — anxiously following the action as it unfolds on the field? Stop it. Breathe.
Just calm down. Enjoy it. Stop being so attached to it. It’s not your game
Don’t base your enjoyment or happiness on what is going on out there.
Look at your child. Are they having fun? Are they active? Are they enjoying the social nature of the game? Are they getting as much out of this experience as they can?
Don’t worry about the rest of it. Keep perspective. There are more important things.
- Save issues with the coach for the next day
Maybe you don’t agree with how much your child played in a game or another decision the coach made during the match. It’s important to take some time to think about it rather than confronting the coach in front of your child and the team.
Directly after the game, parents should not approach the coach. It’s an emotionally charged conversation and very little good can come from that.
At that time, there’s very little a coach can say that will make the parent feel any better.
Go home. Talk to your family. Sleep on it.
Get in touch the next day, whether it be by phone, email, or even going for a cup of coffee with the coach and asking for feedback.
If the coach communicates well enough, the expectation should be there and the parent should understand the situation. If that’s not the case, the parent is totally in his or her right to bridge that communication gap.